I am mad because.....

Three year olds are renowned for having difficulty expressing their emotions, at least in the way that we adults think they should. Noah has had a really hard time understanding why his Daddy has been away so much. He's asked me questions such as, "Isn't Granny better yet?" "Why is it taking Daddy so long?" "Why does Granny live so far away?" and "What's wrong with Granny? She doesn't look sick." I've tried to answer these questions, but somehow, my answers never quite satisfy my Noah. This is likely because, despite my answers, his Daddy is still gone. Danny has spent many days a week helping his mother, and as I've written earlier, I'm glad that he can do this right now. Unfortunately, we are finishing week 7 of his partial absences, and Noah is losing his patience.

We had a play date on Monday. Noah continually terrorized the other child and when questioned about it, he responded: "YES, I did it." To which I responded, "Why?" And he emphatically yelled, "because I WANTED to." I did the typical discipline routine and put him in time out for 3 minutes. Within the first few seconds, he took off his shoe and sock and threw them at me, swearing that he wasn't my best friend anymore. We had multiple more episodes of this behavior before I reached a boiling point. After being told a zillion times that I wasn't his best friend anymore, I yelled back "So what? You aren't my best friend either! I have lots of friends and you are my son, not my friend." His response was a somewhat primal growl. Nice parenting moment, glad I can share it with the world via my blog. :)

I was sharing the details of the play date nightmare with my daycare director. She laughed and then suggested that I try to help Noah find the words that he is obviously having difficulty verbalizing. His anger and frustration are obvious to me, his teachers, and my friends (and their children) mostly because Noah is such a sweet, kind, loving child and this behavior is very foreign for him and us.

After I put Addie to bed last night, I sat down with Noah in his room. We told stories and played and then I said, "Hey bud, if you are upset, you can talk to mommy. You can tell me anything and I won't get mad." He was quiet....I added "You can start by saying, I am mad because....." (I felt a little silly saying this, but thought it was worth a try). Again, we sat quietly. After several moments, he said "I am mad because my daddy is gone all the time." Silence. "I am mad because my Daddy isn't at my house and he doesn't play with me." He had tears in his eyes and I did too. I scooped him up and I told him that I'm mad and sad too and that I miss Daddy a lot too. I explained that the situation is temporary and that very soon Daddy will be home all the time. He sat on my lap and listened.

He felt calm in my arms.

We both slept last night.